Dear diary: “Dreamers” and trying to be more of a Doer

I came across this song today in a list from Huffington Post’s 25 Artists You Need to Start Listening to in 2015. Of course going through and listening to every song in this article and creating a playlist was one of the ways I was continuing my procrastinating ways of 2014 and letting them bleed into 2015. I had one “resolution”/goal that I wanted to implement this year and 2 weeks in and I’ve already massively failed. Still, despite the massive fumble, I need to keep trying to “…not put off to tomorrow what I can do today.”

Anyhow, on to the lyrics at hand. It’s unfortunate how much I relate to this song. What did sort of comfort me was reading the comments under the video and seeing that I was not alone. However, there are also comments trashing people that this song relates to. Personally, I have a mental battle over this almost everyday. There are days I agree with and think the same negative thoughts and trashing myself. Those are the days that I feel most depressed and end up right back in the cycle and wasting/sleeping the day away. Then there are days like today, where I feel comforted in knowing I’m not alone, my confidence is boosted due to a certain level of a lack of self loathing, and I find myself moving forward. For example, writing and posting this post, because at least I’ve written SOMETHING, and in doing so I am one baby step closer to keeping my promise to myself to be better and do better NOW and not tomorrow.

Being a dreamer isn’t inherently bad, but there needs to be a balance. Here’s hoping I find that balance this year.

Dreamers

by Hopium ft. Phoebe Lou

You came home late last night
Stumble past half drunk
As the day became weeks
How did weeks became years?

Back back at excuses
But second chances don’t come cheap
You made yourself a promise
Then you forgot to keep it

YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE YOUR YEAR
YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE YOUR YEAR

You said this would be your year
But you fucked around now December’s here
YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE DREAMERS

You said that you’re tired of sleeping
But close the shutters when the sun starts creeping in
YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE DREAMERS

You put up a smoke screen
Hiding from the midnight sun
Made friends into enemies
But you were your worst one

It couldn’t be your fault
When conspiracy sounds so sweet
You fed yourself on lies
Now you’re fat with bullshit

YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE YOUR YEAR
YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE YOUR YEAR

You said this would be your year
But you fucked around now December’s here
YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE DREAMERS

You said that you’re tired of sleeping
But close the shutters when the sun stars creeping in
YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE DREAMERS

I woke up this morning
It was extremely cold outside
The clouds were really gray
And I looked at the clock
And it was 12
And I thought the clock was tricking me
But I just slept for a really long time
The next thing I did was have a shower
And I felt safe because I wasn’t in the wind
And while I was in the shower my phone was ringing
Which is why I didn’t pick it up
I just thought I should tell you that
I called you back
You told me you got a job
I asked if you could get me one
And you said maybe
Then became very aware that I didn’t do much
But I guess that’s kinda normal
When you wake up at 12